Laying John in the ground, safe and sound asleep; Sarah stood in the cemetery among a dozen of her relatives, motionless and lifeless. People came to console her, shed a million tears while reminiscing old memories they had with John. But she just stood there, staring into the distance. Detached from everyone.
Expressionless.
Emotionless.
But holding her hand beside her was her younger sister Ana, she would answer anyone who came up to them. Acting her part perfectly she asked them for a little privacy and people were understanding enough to let them be.
After the service as Sarah was going back to an empty apartment; her mother didn't wanna leave her alone. But when Ana asked her if she was gonna be okay by herself; Sarah nodded. For the first time that day, she responded to someone. Thinking maybe all she needed was time, they left her.
The next morning Sarah woke up and went to take a bath as per her routine. But standing in front of the mirror, flashes came to her of mornings when John would come and hug her from behind while she brushed her hair. And the little kisses he would plant on her neck and hair. She couldn't bear to look at the mirror which now held just one image instead of two. So she lift it up and smashed it on the ground; then picked up scissors from the side and cut her long hair which once John caressed lovingly. In her rage she didn't realize that she was hurting herself, leaving cuts all over her neck and shoulders. Once she was done, she fell down on the floor almost involuntarily; cross legged and naked, she finally allowed herself to cry.
Exactly a week earlier, Sarah was sleeping in her bed when her phone rang. It was five in the morning and she was half asleep but she answered anyway. It was John. His flight from New York had landed and he was on his way home. Sarah loved her sleep so much that she didn't even go to pick him up, instead John hired a cab. While on the curb from their apartment, the cab driver stopped to get a cigarette on the way and John called her. On the phone, with her eyes closed, Sarah replied a single hmmm to John's every sentence and he knew she wasn't gonna wake up. Thank god he had the keys. Saying I love you, he was about to cut the phone, when a truck having lost its control came right in front of the cab and smashed into it.
Hearing John's scream and the banging of metal, her eyes flew open; Sarah shouted his name into the phone a dozen times but no answer reached her. So rushing out of her bed, in her pajamas, without putting on her shoes and leaving the door unlocked, Sarah ran till she reached the curb. And fell down on her knees, crying as she saw the fiasco in front of her eyes. Cab crushed in half, fumes coming out of the truck and lying on the sidewalk, John's body.
A few days after the funeral Sarah's mother called her to invite her over for dinner. She wanted to see how her daughter was doing. She was pleased to hear that Sarah sounded as her normal self. But when she asked her about dinner, Sarah said "I'll absolutely be there mom at seven I suppose. But John will be late, he has a lot of work at the office these days." The line went blank from the other end.
The very next day Sarah got a visit from her mother. It was dinner time. As she came in, Mary saw two plates laid on the table. Sarah hugged her and asked her to join them and set another plate for her. Mary took her aside and asked her why did they have three plates. "For you, me and John, mom. And how rude of you to not even say hello to him." said Sarah. The entire evening Mary remained quiet, listening to her daughter talk to an empty chair, laugh at silence and kiss a puff of air. Sarah needed help.
Mary asked Sarah to go meet Paul Grifith, an old friend of her fathers."Baby, Dr Grifith says its been too long since you visited, you must go to dinner" she said. Sarah agreed.
Over at his house Paul asked her how was life at home. Sarah answered cheerfully "Everything's great. John and I are delightfully happy, work is going good, our new house is exceptional and we are even thinking about having a baby" she finished blushing. Paul asked "How does John feel about all this?"."Well he's the one who suggested that we start a family", she answered. Then in his grave and solemn voice he asked her, "Do you have faith in my professional advice?",she nodded. To this he said "Sarah, John is dead. I was there with you at the funeral. You are living in a delusional world where in you have suppressed the memory of the trauma. You have Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.".
Sarah couldn't believe it. She knew her mother didn't like John from the beginning but this wasn't the length she expected her mother to go to and after three yrs of blissful marriage. In a fit of fury, Sarah stormed out and went home.
In the middle of the night, Ana was woken up by the ring of her cell phone. Who could be calling her at 4am. Sarah's voice was anxious,"John didn't come home last night. I called his cell then his office, multiple times. Nobody is picking up. I'm scared Ana" she said. Ana told her not to worry, she would be with her come morning.
In the next three hrs before Ana came, Sarah thought about everything Dr Grifith had said. She just couldn't put it out of her mind. Then she stood up from her bed and went to the store room. There behind all the crap was a box, she didn't remember having put it there but it still seemed familiar. She opened it. Inside it was John's suit, in shreds. The one he wore the day of the accident.
When Ana arrived, Sarah was sitting on the sofa with the suit in her lap. Without looking up Sarah said "he's dead, isn't he?", Ana went over and hugged her sister and said "yes he is".
